Heimskr’s High Horse – You’re a Wizard, Schick!

Selective Recruitment Slide

I’m glad this week is over. Seriously, after hearing about the break in at Zenimax, I don’t think my fragile heart can take any more stress. It’s a damn good thing Lawrence Schick was there to read me a bedtime story otherwise I don’t know what I would have done! As a side note, Lawrence Schick looks like a wizard — Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Development – What you need to know!

The Tamriel Chronicle, Issue #1

This week, Zenimax Online launched the first issue of The Tamriel Chronicle which will present all of the week’s information from multiple community sites around the internet in one place. I’m not going to lie, this looks awfully suspicious…AWFULLY suspicious. It’s almost like they took Heimskr’s … and put it on the official website. I grant them it’s not nearly as tongue-and-cheek nor is their author as sexy as me. They are clearly blasphemers in the eyes of Talos and deserve to pay Heimskr royalties for concurrent page views. [/sarcasm]

The Tamriel Chronicle is a great place to pick up community information I otherwise wouldn’t cover. They include, also, information from our friends across the pond in Germany and other smaller fan sites that deserve recognition. I implore all of you to check out this weekly feature!

Loremaster’s Bedtime Tales, Vol. I “Goodnight Mundus”

Do you know what separates men from boys? A monocle. Lawrence Schick, lead loremaster of Zenimax Online, presented us this week with a bedtime tale that could sooth even the most agitated Talos evangelical.

Old-Spice-Man-MonocleYou know, I have a list of complete strangers that I would want to speak at various events in my life (my wedding, funeral, bedtime story). This is who I have so far:

  • Morgan Freeman
  • Jeremy Irons
  • Christian Bale (In The Dark Knight character)
  • Whoopi Goldberg (Circa Deep Space Nine)
  • THAT Old Spice guy
  • Christopher Lee
  • Sean Connery
  • Benedict Cumberbatch

This is a very exclusive club; not every day is someone allowed onto Byronyk’s list of amazing voices. Welcome, Lawrence Schick, to something far better than the mile-high club.

$300 Million Dollar Investment

Zenimax Media Inc, recently announced that they will be receiving a $300 million dollar investment by Providence Equity Partners Inc. The investment proceeds will be used to fund “future growth, increase game development and publishing, facilitate acquisitions, and finance massively multiple online games.” This announcement isn’t really a shocker. Game development studios require a massive budget to create games and even more so with MMORPGS.

My only gripe about this investment is the number, $300 million. If some of you remember, a disgruntled Bioware employee leaked that SW:TOR had spent $300 million dollars on developing the game. This sparked much controversy in the community especially after, in my opinion, the failure of that game. I have no logical reason to see an arbitrary number like “$300 million” and associate anything bad with it, but all the same I can’t help but feel estranged.


If the introduction wasn’t clear, please remember that the $300 million dollars was not just for The Elder Scrolls Online, but Zenimax Media as a whole which owns Bethesda.

Imperial Hoodie

Get your #swag on! Zenimax Online has recently added hoodies with the Imperial dragon symbol to their official Bethesda store. If you’re interested in looking like a fascist Tamriel-pig dog, by all means, buy this hoodie. Oh, you didn’t know I have no love for the Empire? Well now you know!

Community Round up – It’s alive!

Gameplay Impressions

This week, Zenimax Online specifically featured two articles on their social media sites from two gaming news outlets – Games Abyss and MMORPG.com. They are a lot of what you’ve already read if you’ve been following Tamriel Foundry since PAX, but they do, especially the Game Abyss article, add some clarity to particular play styles. I would highly recommend reading both articles since this week was pretty dry in the information news we all crave and desire.

If you somehow missed it last week, Zenimax Online produced a PAX news round up with ALL of the content put out by the community including articles, podcasts, gameplay impressions, and more.

Elder Scrolls Off The Record #63 – PvP’ed 1.9

This week in Elder Scrolls Off The Record, the hosts of the show discuss major topics including the PvP article Zenimax put out recently — ‘Conflict in Cyrodiil Pt 1’– , the Tamriel Chronicles, and of course emails of the week!

As a completely random side note, I recently met one of their hosts, Shank, at my work place. I was minding my own business when a Microsoft Lync message box pops up with some guy asking if this was “Byronyk” and introducing himself as Shank from Off The Record. I’ll say I was pleasantly shocked to see someone I knew from the ESO community working at Hewlett Packard as well! Thanks Shank!

The Cogwheels of Tamriel Foundry – After Hours

Break In at Zenimax, ESO Production Delayed?!

takenAs many of you know, Zenimax Online was broken into earlier this week and private property was stolen that connects directly to the project plan for Elder Scrolls Online. We have no direct confirmation from Matt Firor or Paul Sage, but our insider did tell us there is a good chance the game will be delayed because of this incident. For the thief, I have a brief message for you:

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want with the Elder Scroll. If you are looking for a ransom, Zenimax just entered into a $300 million loan and I can tell you they don’t have the money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career of internet satire. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you return the Elder Scroll now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will write an extremely angry letter to you!

Heimskr Crosses The Rubicon (IMPORTANT)

The section Fizzle is writing will currently be separate from this weeks publication. Fizzle decided to write a novel, and as such would look disjointed in this article. It’s publication date will be either today or tomorrow, so look out for his critical analysis on the finesse system and fine-tuning your way to victory.

As many of you know, The Rubicon is now being folded into Heimskr’s as an extension of Heimskr’s High Horse itself. @Fizzle will have his own section in my weekly publication to write pieces on theorycrafting, min/maxing, and discussion in advanced topics that are otherwise ignored by the community as a whole. He has over 10 years’ experience in MMORPG’s and RPGs and he is one of the few gamers I respect in both personality and skill. I’m incredibly excited to begin creating a Heimskr’s High Horse that is a one-stop-shop for the ESO community at large!

After Hours Club

The After Hours Club is a special section in Heimskr’s High Horse to look over the most popular, the most controversial, and the most insightful community topics of the week. This week we have three threads that are sure to satisfy your curiosity or feed the fires of internet barbarism.

  1. The popular thread of the week goes to @Darksparrowand his Wish, Want, Fear thread. In this thread, you post what you most want, which game system means the most to you, and which game system you do not want from ESO. It’s a great thread and I highly recommend reading it.
  2. This week’s insightful post of the week goes to @sguel and his Open Roleplay thread. I try to say this as much as possible, but I’m not a lore or role playing kind of guy. However, reading posts by the community is wonderful especially when they obviously love a facet of ESO so much. Check out this store narrative!
  3. The infamous controversial post of the week goes to me. That’s right, I’m hogging the spotlight this week. I posted my frustration that you are unable to opt out of last names in ESO in Forced Last Names. Go give it a read and weigh in on your opinion!


I hope you enjoyed Heimskr’s High Horse. Next week already has some great information waiting to be posted, so come back, stay awhile, and listen.