Late Friday night, an intruder gained access to ZeniMax Online’s headquarters in Hunt Valley, Maryland. The thief bypassed security when infiltrating the offices, and made away with one of the company’s most treasured secrets, an Elder Scroll. Shortly after ZeniMax Online began development on The Elder Scrolls Online, Bethesda Game Studios (their sister studio and publisher of past TES titles) issued them one of the original Elder Scrolls to use during the development process for consultation regarding game lore and design principles. The thief, who has not yet been idenfitied, absconded with the valuable artifact during the late hours of Friday evening. A lead ZeniMax developer, who preferred to remain anonymous, lamented this turn of events saying:
We relied quite heavily on the Elder Scroll during the development process. Many of the most important game decisions we have made were decided specifically in accordance with the contents of the scroll. It’s going to be tough now, because we’ll have to complete a number of the game areas and systems without it.
The crime was reported by one of the studio guards, who noticed the empty display case during one of his regular rounds. The scroll had mysteriously vanished, and been replaced with a scrawled note signed “The Grey Fox”. This theft was a clear tribute to one of the more notorious characters of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, and may indicate that the perpetrator is an unhinged fan of the game series. Several ZeniMax employees as well as security personnel were on site at the time of the robbery, one of whom shamefully admitted that they were deeply engaged in an “AvA focus test” at the time and neglected to follow normal security protocols.
Game Director Matt Firor often consulted the Elder Scroll with the assistance of ZeniMax’ resident “Moth Priest”, Lawrence Schick. It is fortunate for ZOS and the fans of Elder Scrolls Online that this larceny did not occur earlier during the production process, or else the game might never have seen the light of day. As it stands, the theft should not deter the studio from completing the game, although many of the remaining design decisions will have to be made blindly, unless the scroll can be recovered. It remains to be seen how drastic an impact this theft will have on the quality of the final product which ZeniMax is able to release.
Any residents of the Hunt Valley metropolitan area who may have vital information regarding this break in are encouraged by authorities to come forward immediately. Use of the scroll is dangerous without supervision from an approved loremaster, and should anyone encounter the artifact it is recommended that they not attempt to read it under any circumstances.
OK, too many people are still taking this article seriously. It was an April Fools post. There was no break in. Move along!