Break In at ZeniMax, ESO Production Delayed?

Elder Scroll Display Case

The Elder Scroll in its secure (?) case

Late Friday night, an intruder gained access to ZeniMax Online’s headquarters in Hunt Valley, Maryland. The thief bypassed security when infiltrating the offices, and made away with one of the company’s most treasured secrets, an Elder Scroll. Shortly after ZeniMax Online began development on The Elder Scrolls Online, Bethesda Game Studios (their sister studio and publisher of past TES titles) issued them one of the original Elder Scrolls to use during the development process for consultation regarding game lore and design principles. The thief, who has not yet been idenfitied, absconded with the valuable artifact during the late hours of Friday evening. A lead ZeniMax developer, who preferred to remain anonymous, lamented this turn of events saying:

We relied quite heavily on the Elder Scroll during the development process. Many of the most important game decisions we have made were decided specifically in accordance with the contents of the scroll. It’s going to be tough now, because we’ll have to complete a number of the game areas and systems without it.

Firor relied heavily on the Elder Scroll

Firor relied heavily on the Elder Scroll

 
The crime was reported by one of the studio guards, who noticed the empty display case during one of his regular rounds. The scroll had mysteriously vanished, and been replaced with a scrawled note signed “The Grey Fox”. This theft was a clear tribute to one of the more notorious characters of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, and may indicate that the perpetrator is an unhinged fan of the game series. Several ZeniMax employees as well as security personnel were on site at the time of the robbery, one of whom shamefully admitted that they were deeply engaged in an “AvA focus test” at the time and neglected to follow normal security protocols.

Game Director Matt Firor often consulted the Elder Scroll with the assistance of ZeniMax’ resident “Moth Priest”, Lawrence Schick. It is fortunate for ZOS and the fans of Elder Scrolls Online that this larceny did not occur earlier during the production process, or else the game might never have seen the light of day. As it stands, the theft should not deter the studio from completing the game, although many of the remaining design decisions will have to be made blindly, unless the scroll can be recovered. It remains to be seen how drastic an impact this theft will have on the quality of the final product which ZeniMax is able to release.

Schick was outraged, and declined to comment

Schick was outraged, and declined to comment

Any residents of the Hunt Valley metropolitan area who may have vital information regarding this break in are encouraged by authorities to come forward immediately. Use of the scroll is dangerous without supervision from an approved loremaster, and should anyone encounter the artifact it is recommended that they not attempt to read it under any circumstances.

OK, too many people are still taking this article seriously. It was an April Fools post. There was no break in. Move along!

186 responses to “Break In at ZeniMax, ESO Production Delayed?”

  1. Profile Photo
    Tenebris

    Adept

    Total Posts: 121

    Breton Dragonknight

    Don’t worry; I’m already performing the Black Sacrament!

        photo Signature_Thornwatch_zps8e40004e.png

    Become a hero; Enlist today!

  2. Profile Photo
    Byronyk

    Expert

    Total Posts: 438

    Altmer

    Wow, If they push back ESO I’m really going to be upset.

    You will learn… No king rules forever. Only death is eternal.

     

  3. Profile Photo
    Isarii

    Moderator

    Total Posts: 3930

    Breton Templar

    @Byronyk – This will probably result in an even *longer* delay for adventure zones.

  4. Profile Photo
    Byronyk

    Expert

    Total Posts: 438

    Altmer

    @Isarii – Mother of god…

    You will learn… No king rules forever. Only death is eternal.

     

  5. Profile Photo
    lugnut360

    Apprentice

    Total Posts: 30

    Altmer Sorcerer

    Nefarious

    Zenimax should have laid some fire runes around the scroll.

  6. Profile Photo
    Randarr

    Apprentice

    Total Posts: 33

    Nord

    The grey fox hit again….

  7. Profile Photo
    Tenebris

    Adept

    Total Posts: 121

    Breton Dragonknight

    I think we’ll be fine, to be honest; if the thief reads the Elder Scroll he’ll go blind, so the secrets are safe.

        photo Signature_Thornwatch_zps8e40004e.png

    Become a hero; Enlist today!

  8. Profile Photo
    redguard83

    Adept

    Total Posts: 245

    Redguard Dragonknight

    That’s so lame…

  9. Profile Photo
    redguard83

    Adept

    Total Posts: 245

    Redguard Dragonknight

    The situation, not the person that posted above me. :P

  10. Profile Photo
    Phoenix

    Adept

    Total Posts: 116

    Dunmer Dragonknight

    If someone catches that guy, let me know? Owe’s me $20…

    ”I’m Batman”

     

  11. Profile Photo
    Rial

    Moderator

    Total Posts: 2773

    Argonian Sorcerer

    I love this :D

  12. Profile Photo
    redguard83

    Adept

    Total Posts: 245

    Redguard Dragonknight

    Agreed! ^^

  13. Member Avatar
    xisaintzrwa

    Scamp

    Total Posts: 3

    Nord

    I cant wait for ESO I really hope it wont be delayed

  14. Profile Photo
    valergain

    Grandmaster

    Total Posts: 1827

    Altmer Sorcerer

    A quest! I shall go forth and recover the Scroll!

  15. Profile Photo
    redguard83

    Adept

    Total Posts: 245

    Redguard Dragonknight

    Stendarr be with you, valergain!

  16. Profile Photo
    Master of Fate

    Grandmaster

    Total Posts: 1249

    Dunmer Sorcerer

    Iron Fist Trade Complex

    Oh no! Whatever will we do? Delayed? All because of this news about an evil thief on the first completely normal day of a *cough cough* completely normal month that the production will be delayed. Well that just stinks. And poor, poor Lawrence Schick…  What a depressing and serious situation. I just hope they find another way on the second day of the month.

     

  17. Profile Photo
    Tribe

    Expert

    Total Posts: 442

    Tenebris said on April 1, 2013 :

    Don’t worry; I’m already performing the Black Sacrament!

    I know where we can find some volunteers… the gold’s all on you though.

  18. Profile Photo
    Irishfury

    Novice

    Total Posts: 24

    Nord Dragonknight

    The Incursion

    This is a bloody mess, why in gods name would someone want to do such a thing!!

  19. Profile Photo
    Bren

    Scamp

    Total Posts: 3

    Nightblade

    Is it sad my heart dropped when I first read this and then realized………wait……..APRIL FOOLS!!!!

    Haha

  20. Profile Photo
    pixieofhugs

    Novice

    Total Posts: 12

    Altmer

    I am devastated by this news. May the thief be burned with the fire of righteousness!

    Loyal, Wise, Cunning, Proud.

    Altmer have been chosen by the divines to rule all of Tamriel.

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